What the Hell Is This? (Or–Tumble down the rabbit hole)

A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away….

Shit. Wait. Wrong fandom. I mean, not really, but also. OK, LET’S START OVER.

A long time ago, I was a teen girl lost in a fandom.

I love stories. They feed a part of my soul that longs for adventure and magic and epic romance. Since I was a little girl, I’ve gotten ridiculously, obsessively drawn into stories.

Into the world that a story creates.

There are a few things that really matter to me. If you’ve followed me on social media at all (and if you haven’t, well WHY NOT?? I’m hysterical) you might have picked up on them.

  • Sexism bothers me. A lot.
  • I’m sarcastic to a fault and prefer wine and coffee to any other beverage.
  • I fangirl. Ridiculously. Obsessively. Shamelessly.

That’s the thing. It is shameless. Lemme tell you a short story.

When I was in high school, I was a quiet kid. Tended to sit in the back of the class and avoid people, because I was an introvert and because I didn’t really get the people I went to school with. I was the girl who hid behind her hair and her glasses and her books.

It was kinda lonely, if you wanna be honest, but I was happy with my epic fantasy and ridiculously thick historical fiction. And the stories I wrote.

And then, Fellowship of the Ring came out. And I fell into my first real fandom. I was a Trekkie before that, and I grew up on Indiana Jones and Star Wars, but the first time I really joined a fandom was with Fellowship.

I was a full on fangirl, you guys. Chat rooms, obsessively watching and rewatching the films, reading fanfic–writing fanfic.

And then a lot of stuff happened and I left the fandom, and even though over the years I got that same kind of crazy excited about stories, I never really went back.

And then I found two brothers and their awkward angel.

Supernatural came at a really strange time of my life. I was dealing with the worst relapse of depression I’d had in years, and it was easy to get lost in. And it was the kind of story I eat up. The kind of insane deep love that makes me want to write.

Before I started watching Supernatural, I was stuck in a creative rut. I wasn’t excited about the stories I was telling, and I wasn’t excited about the stories I was reading, and it was definitely feeding into my depression.

Then, with a little nudging from a dear friend who wasn’t even in the damn fandom, I slipped into the Supernatural fandom.

I’d forgotten. I mean, it’d been over fifteen years since I left the LOTR fandom. So I’d forgotten, how much I loved it. How much I loved reading fanfiction or watching the same content over and over because I come up with something new each time I see it. Talking about theories to the show with my bestie.

I forgot and then I was in it again and it was fucking awesome. I reveled in it. I had no problem grabbing up the name fangirl because I was one. I always had been, even if I forgot my roots for a while.

What I didn’t admit to (here’s the first bit of news I kept teasing)

Is that I was writing fanfiction.

Why? Well, because I’m a professional, right? I do this for a living. I’m published. Fanfic is another person’s sandbox, and it’s a good place to learn, but we outgrow it.

Right?

Right.

Except.

No.

Fanfic let me love writing again. When I was starting to dread it, because it was a job–even a job you love can get old when you do it constantly–fanfic was there, with all these delightful what ifs and stories that made me sit up until three a.m. writing, and it wasn’t for anyone but me.

I mean. I put it on a few fanfic sites, but it was anonymous which is the same as doing it for me. And I loved it.

But it also felt a little like a dirty little secret? Because–I’m a professional and what the hell am I doing writing fanfic?

Here’s what: I’m being happy.

I’m choosing to be happy and healthy. Because on the days when depression is too real and anxiety is crippling (and lately, with the state of the world, that’s a lot of the days) losing myself in a story that has no rules and no expectations is fun.

Because writing it fuels my creativity for writing the books I publish.

Because I’m a fangirl and I might blush a little when I admit to how much of one I really am–but I’m not really ashamed.

So here it is, my lovelies.

I write fanfiction. And I kinda love it. And (bonus points!) you can read it!!! If you’re into that sort of thing.

But what does this change? What about your published books? What does this mean???

Not a damn thing. Since I started writing fanfic, I’ve written and published four books.

My fanfic is not going to impact my published books.  It just means, if you want, you can read fic stories or the novel I’m starting on Wattpad, and it’s for fun.

It’s for me.

So is this site.

OH!! SO WHAT IS THIS SITE?

*grin*

This is where I’ll talk about all my fandoms. About Supernatural and Lord of the Rings, about Star Wars and Star Trek and whatever else catches my fancy (I’m starting Arrow in a few weeks, so THAT will probably pop up.)

It’s where I’ll review episodes and fanfic that I’ve read and loved.

Where I’ll rant about fandom and the problems I see in it.

Where I’ll occasionally post some about the books I’m writing and publishing.

Where I’ll geek out and let my fangirl freak flag fly. Why?

Because it makes me happy.

And for fucks sake, we could all use a little happy.

I hope you join me here, and that if nothing else, we can all find the thing that makes us happy.

~N (aka Arei)

Check out N + Arei to read more about my author self + fanfic pseudonym, the Where To Read Me for links to fic, and Favorites for…Well. Favorites.

And because surprises are AWESOME–check out News + New + Reviews for a full length fic launching on AO3 and Wattpad today. ❤

 

2 thoughts on “What the Hell Is This? (Or–Tumble down the rabbit hole)

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